You didn't make me cry.

  Today as church ended and we were walking up the aisle to leave, a lady recognized me and squeezed my shoulder, asking me how we were all doing. I think I responded by saying, "It's been really hard", as my face immediately started doing the shaky thing and my eyes filled instantly with tears. I then thanked her for asking me. I think it shocked the poor lady a bit. She had that terrified look for a second, then the sad look, and she quickly squeezed me a bit harder and said apologetically, "Oh, honey! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry!!!" I had the tears going then. I kinda laughed and mumbled, "Oh, no... you didn't make me cry...." I didn't do so well on eye contact after that and we were nearly out of the sanctuary, so I just walked numbly forward, blinking in attempt to hold back the tears as I weaved through the crowd to go get Miles from class. It didn't work. They fell anyways....

  You see, she didn't make me cry. She reached out. She cared. She recognized me and let me know she remembered. She didn't make me cry. Because I cry all the time. Daily, sometimes hourly--on some days. It's all part of the process. Part of this monster called Grief. Loss. Mourning. She didn't make me cry. She told me she knew I was hurting and was checking in on me. She didn't make me cry. She let me know she already knew and provided a safe place to answer. You can tell when people truly care. When they really want to know. To reach out when others want to run away and avoid this at all costs ....And then it all falls down. It's amazing what can happen when someone truly cares and acts upon it.

  Crying isn't always a bad thing. It's a real thing. It's real life. Read James chapter one. We're told to consider it all pure joy WHENEVER we face trials of many kinds. Because they'll be there. Loss. Pain. Disappointment. Abandonment. Failures. Death. THESE are the trials. This is real life, people. Crying is just a way of saying it hurts. That I need help. That I don't want it to feel this way anymore. They help ease the pain, even for just a little while. It's freeing. It really is. Rivers of freedom. That is what tears are. And, Jesus wept. The shortest verse in the Bible. Jesus wept. Must be a pretty okay thing to do. I find great comfort knowing that He did. That he hurt so badly that He had to let it out. The King of the Heavens and Earth, weeping. Wow. I get it now. I do.

  I wish I could've had more time to tell that lady, thank you. Thank you for reaching out. Thanks for acknowledging me, not knowing what I would say or how I would react. Thanks for putting yourself out there and taking that risk. Thank you for remembering my sweet boy, Gray. I wish I could have given her a big hug. I'm not sure I would even recognize her today, as she was talking to me side by side, and after I started crying I think I just stared straight ahead. It all happened so fast, as we were all shuffling out in a throng of people to go our separate ways. But,  I'm really glad she took that moment to make some contact. To let me know, Hey, you're not alone. She didn't make me cry. She just let me know she cared. And that I wasn't alone in all of this. I'm thankful for people like her.

" If someone listens, or stretches out a hand, or whispers a kind word of encouragement, or attempts to understand a lonely person, extraordinary things begin to happen."~Loretta Girzartis