My girlfriend groans any time we're traveling and I ask to stop at a local brewery. She knows that usually means a trip to the nearest industrial park or warehouse district. Yes, breweries need a lot of cheap space, and cheap space is usually not in the prettiest part of town. But not every beer in America is being brewed in faceless buildings on the other side of the tracks. In fact, visit the following spots and you can have a hand-crafted brew in bizarre locations such as...
A FORMER CHURCH
Everyone thinks Ben Franklin said, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." He didn't, but he might have, if he had visited The Church Brew Works. Set in a former Roman Catholic church built in 1902, this award-winning Pittsburgh brewpub has been making believers since 1996.
A CURRENT MONASTERY
Brewery monasteries are commonplace in Belgium, where Trappist monks make some of the finest beers in the world. But in America, we'd never seen the likes of them until last year's arrival of Spencer Brewery in Massachusetts. I'd also take a vow of silence if I could drink their beer the entire time.
A FUNERAL HOME
While researching this piece, I decided to do a few "brewery located inside a ______" Google searches. There were no hits for "zoo," "amusement park," or "cruise ship." But, shockingly, "funeral home" clued me into Brewery Vivant. This Grand Rapids brewery is in a former funeral home and run by a New Holland Brewing founder, which means these beers are so good, you might quickly find yourself embalmed.
A BED & BREAKFAST
It's unfortunate that so many breweries are off the beaten path, because it often makes it hard to sample too many of their options if you have a long drive back to your accommodations. But what if you could crash at the brewery? You can at Brewery Creek in Mineral Point, Wisconsin, where five rooms are located above the brewpub. Unfortunately, complimentary breakfast beverages only include coffee and OJ.
A GAS STATION
For most Americans, simply having a beer in any Montana location would register as "weird." But road-trip to Billings and as you notice your gaslight nearing "E," you might pull over to fill 'er up... and accidentally find yourself at microbrewery Angry Hank's. Unfortunately, this converted gas station and body shop ain't quite a 7-11, and due to Montana's obscure beer laws, it's only open from 4 to 8 p.m. daily, during which time one is only allowed to drink 48 ounces of beer per visit. That wouldn't even fill a Big Gulp.
A TRAIN STATION
Most train stations have a pretty shitty beer selection of canned suds for cantankerous commuters, but not Flossmoor Station. This train station just south of Chicago was built in 1906, but found itself replaced by a modern Metra next door in the early 1990s. Not wanting to see this beautiful building rendered obsolete, a husband-and-wife team turned it into a brewery. They now make some of the most coveted barrel-aged beers in America. All aboard!
AN AIRPORT
Who hasn't been excited to find that an establishment they love also has an airport location? And then you realize it's nothing more than a slapdash facsimile with sub-fresh ingredients, disinterested employees, and absurd prices. Not so at Airside terminal C in Tampa International Airport, where a satellite location of beloved Cigar City now resides, crafting exclusive offerings at the world's only airport brewery. (You're not seriously thinking about hitting up the Quiznos next door now, are you?)
A JAIL
Many a hardcore beer drinker has ended his night in a jail cell... So why not cut out the middle man and just start your night there? Such is the opportunity at Jailhouse Brewing Company, which is located in a Hampton, Georgia, former jailhouse, and where you can snuggle up to their Conjugal Visit red ale. Behave yourself.
A RURAL DINER
Like any good New Yorker, I like to battle hangovers with a hearty breakfast at my local greasy spoon. Unfortunately, if I want to add some hair of the dog to that lumberjack platter, my diner's only imbibing option is some boxed wine bought during the Giuliani administration. But at Gella's Diner and Lb. Brewing Co. in rural Hays, Kansas, German-style beers are served up alongside a massive menu of classic American diner food.
A HIP MANHATTAN GASTROPUB
You would think it impossible that there could be a "weird" brewery location in the largest city in the country, but you would be wrong. In Manhattan, where street-meat carts are run by Cordon Bleu-trained chefs and some restaurants have a mere six seats, there's not exactly space for actual brewing, and that's why the city is seriously lacking in brewpubs. Yet somehow, the team at 508 managed to squeeze an entire brewing setup into their cramped restaurant basement, brewing house beers for the world's first and only "gastrobrewery."
A CASINO
For a beer geek at a casino, even worse than getting your ass handed to you at the blackjack table is being forced to drink watery mixed drinks all night long. Yes, even comped, those suck. Lucky for you, in Reno, Nevada, The Brew Brothers are crafting beers at the El Dorado casino. You can't pay with chips though.
A LUXURY SPA
Blackberry Farm is an ultra-luxury resort and spa nestled near the Great Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. There, guests pay upward of $2,600 a night for one of the estate's 58 cottages, dine on haute cuisine, and enjoy an array of "wellness" treatments such as Appalachian body purifications and Hesse Creek stone massages. Not feeling relaxed enough yet? The Farm now has its own brewery and, if you are a guest, you can enjoy a selection of their farmhouse-style ales.
A MINOR LEAGUE BALLPARK
Louisville is a bourbon town, but one of the hottest breweries in America is also there... in a minor league ballpark. Located beyond right field at Louisville Slugger Field, Against the Grain has a gorgeous 15-barrel brewhouse. You might not want to actually go watch the game, either, as once you leave the brewpub, none of the concession stands offer their beers.
A MILITARY BASE
Simply listing "Esquire" on my credentials usually gives me all the juice I need to saunter into any brewery in America. Not the case at CP Brewery, in Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, which is actually located on the Naval base. You'll need to have military clearance — or accompany a friend who does — in order to try their small selection of house-made brews.
