Colorado has around 5.2 million residents — and just about 5.1 dad-gum million of them insist on brewing their own beer.
Or it sure seems that way when you visit the Centennial State which, despite only making up under two percent of the nation’s population, makes 10 percent of its craft beer (thanks to a good number of the more than 230 breweries that call Colorado home).
If you’ve never met a Coloradan, they somehow manage to be simultaneously laid-back and feisty. They’re like Californians, but considerably smarter and in way better shape (as a Golden State native, I can legally say that). So smart, this hyper-outdoorsy race of people have merged seemingly diametrically opposed activities — beer-drinking and bike-riding — into a unified biathlon.
You’d be surprised how well the two go together; you can toss back a few at lunch and not even feel it after biking it off a half-hour later in the surrounding gorgeousness. It’s all about metabolizing — or so my 0 percent official, 100 percent pseudo-scientific laic brain has convinced itself of after mucho anecdotal evidence.
Whatever it is, here are the three cities in Colorado’s Front Range that make up the Napa Valley of Beer (hold the quakes), bursting with the best bikeable craft brew taprooms in the world — just chug responsibly (and wear a helmet).
1. Fort Collins
Grab some wheels — Inspired after living abroad — Oktoberfesting in Berlin and karaoke-biking in Kobe, Japan — Fort Collins denizens Bob Williams and his wife Katy started Beer & Bike Tours, leading guided pedal and pub trips throughout the city and the world beyond.
Where to roll — Conveniently close to Top Party School aspirer CSU is the city’s “Brewmuda Triangle” (i-sloshed-eles, naturally) — the self-titled tap trifecta of New Belgium, Odell and Fort Collins Breweries. From the outside, New Belgium looks like a uranium enrichment plant, with its giant vats and massive maze of pipage. But on the inside it’s simply full of twentysomething college grads who were ingenious enough to turn their chemistry, marketing and engineering degrees into a jobby job at the brewery behind Fat Tire. The dozen 20-person tours of the site they offer the public every day fill up weeks in advance; don’t forget to mail your fam and friends a (free) drunkenly scribbled postcard when you visit.
Only a three-minute bike ride away is much mellower Odell Brewing Company, where you can sit around a fire pit, enjoying raspberry-flavored Friek and a bacon waffle courtesy of frequenting foodtruck, the Waffle Lab. From there, you’re going to pedal a few minutes more to enjoy a pint and live music in the beer garden at Equinox Brewing, which just expanded into the building next door. They even make home deliveries via their clown horn-equipped Keg Trike. For dinner, knock back a few Hanjabi (hyuk!) pale ales with your pizza at CooperSmith’s Pub in downtown FoCo. Wrap up the day at the strip-mall-set Pateros Creek Brewing Company, started by a young Army vet, Steve Jones, who declared war on an enemy worse than ISIS: sobriety. He’s winning it with his seasonal and one-off Renegade beers.
Kickstand-n-crash — Don’t forget to pet 10-year-old Oreo, the Russian blue mix house cat dozing obliviously to you in the lobby of the 45-room landmark Armstrong Hotel — she was kidnapped not too long ago, but later found safe and sound (and sleepy). From $189.
2. Denver
Grab some wheels — What CitiBank did for New York, B-cycle did for Denver with its city-wide bike share program. They’re beefy, blood-red, basketed and a bargain at only $8/24 hours.
Where to roll — As host of the annual Great American Beer Festival, the Mile-High City is a beer biker’s whet dream. Head for the 14-breweried Denver Beer Trail (bridges, creeks and the South Platte River, on tap, too) right next to the 16th Street Pedestrian Mall where you can snag a B bike. You’ll pass by REI and other Denver staples; start things off slow with a copper-cupped Moscow Mule up on the rooftop of the Ale House at Amato’s — liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.
Move on a few pedal flips to the Teutonic tavern that is Prost (German for “cheers”); soccer on the tellie, Kölsch in your belly. Then it’s off to the Denver Beer Co., sporting garage-door-like windows that can be open or closed, per the weather; they’ve just started stocking liquor stores around town with Graham Cracker Porter and Incredible Pedal IPA. A quick pedaled mile away is Jagged Mountain, started by people who defy death mountaineering and canyoneering; drink up while they’re still alive and pouring. Obama believes in hope — but also hops, evidenced by him infamously stopping by the Denver Wynkoop Brewing Company where he was offered a joint. Yes weed can! Great 9-ball to be had there, too.
End the day sexing up to someone maybe you know, maybe you don’t at the Magnolia Hotel’s Harry’s Bar. Or, if you’re seeking the best ilk of beer on the planet, head to Crooked Stave, in the rear of Denver’s artisanal warehouse The Source, for sour beer after dining at Mex street food server-upper Comida, just footsteps away. You may never touch a non-sour brew again.
Kickstand-n-crash — The 230-room Renaissance Denver Downtown City Center Hotel is as sleek as it is wordy; an urban oasis in the center of Denver where Tulo is close enough in the batter’s box at Coors Field to hit a homer through your window. From $199.
3. Boulder
Grab some wheels — Smartly employing some of the hotter student bodies in town, University Bicycles rents out their metallic steeds from $30/day.
Where to roll — The home of the University of Colorado’s flagship is not called the Berkeley of the Rockies for nothin’ — it’s a left-leaning college town filled with the smartest people who don’t ever seem to work. Instead, they’re busy daydrinking at Mountain Sun, farmer’s-marketing and, yes, biking. No wonder: the 20-breweried town has the mixed dirt and paved Boulder Creek and Goose Creek Paths to coast down, where along the way you’ll veer off and hit Boulder Beer, brewmeistered by Oregon ex-pat and “Seinfeld”-aholic David Zuckerman.
Its green chili kicks you square in the good spot. A quick sloppy stopover at the jumptastic Valmont Bike Park (best when raining; 4-year-old future X Gamers live here) and then it’s off to can-happy Upslope Brewing Company, where fans of its Thai Style White will even BYO-pony keg to fill up.
Next up, the Avery Brewing Company where, while enjoying its taproom’s Eremita VII, try to avoid hitting on the sexy beermaids — odds are she’s with management. Dinner (remember to eat) is best had at the multi-storied West End Tavern (aim for the roof) — unless you don’t like mac & cheese, hot wings and/or ribs, in which case, we’re calling Homeland Security as we speak.
Kickstand-n-crash — Maybe the least-enviable job in all of the city is manning the old-timey gated elevator at the century-plus-old, 160-room Hotel Boulderado; but it sure is fun to ride, and she at least looks like she’s having fun. From $259.