Leave Loneliness Behind in One Easy Step

Smart phones are an amazing form of technology – a kind of lifeline to our personal world. They allow us to remain connected to others 24/7, without ever having to even get out of bed. They also enable us to schedule dates with friends and loved ones, not to mention alerting us when those dates get close. On the way to meeting up, we can use them to send emails in-between texting. Then, of course, the devices even act as phones! Yet, paradoxically, these wonders of connectivity can create a sense of loneliness in us. They separate us from those in our immediate surroundings. You may have noticed people so engrossed in their smart phones that it seemed an all-consuming world unto itself– it can truly be an amazing thing to observe. But have you thought about how your smart phone makes you more alone?

I suggest that you try the following experiment:

While in a public place by yourself, perhaps in a waiting room or a restaurant, choose to not pick up your smart phone (or iPad or any other electronic device). Don’t immerse yourself in reading either. Simply do what you are there to do – for instance, wait or eat. As you do so, also pay attention to your surroundings. Make note of who is nearby and what they are doing. Give some thought to who these people are. Allow yourself to be curious about them, noting that they are a person with a whole life beyond what you can see. If someone makes eye contact, smile and perhaps even say hello. The whole idea is to be open to the world immediately around you.

This can be a very difficult task. You will likely feel awkward, especially if you tend to fill all your “free” moments with your phone. But, stay with the exercise. As you become more open to absorbing your environment, you will begin to feel differently. You may develop a sense of being part of, and connect to, the greater world – which can be a wonderful feeling. If, instead, you feel more alone or judgmental of yourself, pay attention. Use this as a wake up call to begin addressing the inner struggles that separate you from others.

In a world where technology has become so much a part of our daily interactions, I suggest that you consider this non-electronic approach to connecting with yourself and others. By helping you to feel more integral to a community of people, this simple (though not easy) exercise can nurture within you a greater sense of happiness, connection, and well-being.

Leslie Becker-Phelps, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist in private practice and is on the medical staff at Robert Wood Johnson, Somerset in Somerville, NJ. She is a regular writer for WebMD's Relationships blog and is the relationship expert on WebMD’s Relationships and Coping Community.

If you would like email notification of new blog postings by Dr. Becker-Phelps, click here.

Making Change blog posts are for general educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation; and they should not be relied upon as a substitute for professional assistance.

Personal change through compassionate self-awareness