If you travel on business, chances are you’ve had dozens, if not hundreds, of dinners and drinks with colleagues. It’s the normal course of business, isn't it?
An informal survey of my network revealed that about 20% of people had encountered home/work issues around these business travel events. Most of these issues involved women being excluded from dinners or outings because the men didn’t want to “worry” about how mixed company could be perceived by others – especially in male-dominated industries like sports marketing and international business. One woman told me about her surprise when she met an angry wife at a holiday party. The “crime?” The wife’s husband never told tell her they’d hired a woman at the office. Another woman was confronted by a client’s wife for simply having dinner with her husband (the client) in the course of business.
These situations were truly innocent; I realize there are others that are not. The real question is: do you mention to your spouse whom you’re traveling with or meeting with on the road … especially if they are of the opposite gender (or the same gender, for those who prefer it)?
I do. Let me tell you why.
At one of my previous jobs, I had secured meetings with key stakeholders in New York City. These meetings required me to travel alone for the first time with Sam*, one of my company’s executives.
We traveled separately and met at our first appointment in New York City. As we walked back to the hotel, Sam took several urgent calls. Once we arrived at the Waldorf-Astoria, he informed me he’d have to skip dinner as he had to deal with an emergency.
Later, Sam called to arrange a meeting time for the next morning. He added that he needed to tell me about the emergency since it involved me. I figured it was a work fiasco, and was hoping I hadn’t made a gaffe in my new role.
Sam shared that his wife had accused him of having an affair with me. I was shocked, because I’d never gone anywhere with Sam before – not even to lunch. Apparently, he had not told his wife he was traveling with a 20-something female co-worker. She had called the hotel and dropped co-worker names until they confirmed that one name was registered – mine. Then came the biggest surprise of all: he warned me that she might call me later that evening to question me. I doubted it, but I was wrong.
She rang my room later that evening and asked me about the purpose of the trip, the hotel I was booked at, and whether or not I had a relationship with Sam. I answered her questions honestly and made it clear that this was purely a business trip.
The next morning, Sam was still looking harried. He announced that I wouldn’t be allowed to attend the stakeholder meeting with him because he’d promised his wife he’d go alone. I was disappointed to miss out on the opportunity, but I acceded and booked an earlier flight home as he suggested.
The following day, he called me into his office and apologized. He asked me to never utter a word of this to anyone, so with my career in mind, I didn’t.
I always wondered whether I should have attended that stakeholder meeting anyway. After all, that was my role and my responsibility to the company. I was an innocent bystander: why did I have to pay a price for someone else’s suspicions? But I also wasn’t willing to risk my job, since Sam was an executive above me.
Have you had discussions with your spouse or significant other about whom you travel with or meet with on business trips? Or do you feel silence is best if you’re innocent anyway? Years later and now married, I mention my travel companions to my husband … having seen the other side of the omission, the risk is not worth it to me.
*Names and details have been changed to protect confidentiality.
