10 Critical Mistakes Preventing You from Having Great 1 on 1s

Is your team responsive to you?

Do they come to you with problems or do you have to find them first?

Are your one on ones like pulling teeth, filled with awkward silences, or a healthy conversation that you both look forward to?

One on ones are a crucial part of good management practices, but just because you schedule one on ones with your team doesn’t mean you’re making the most of them. You could even be doing serious damage to your relationship with your team if you don’t do them correctly.

Your one on ones with them are your best weapon to raise performance and address issues. However, making these crucial mistakes below can damage your relationship with your employee and prevent you from discovering the kinds of things that will fix problems, raise morale, and motivate team members. Hopefully you aren’t doing many of them, but if you are, there’s no time like the present to turn it all around and get help.

Critical Mistakes Preventing You from Having Great 1 on 1s

1) Not following through

If you’re talking about ideas, problems, or things important to your report in your one on one, but then nothing is ever done about what you talk about, you’re making a lethal mistake. The effectiveness of one on ones is based on trust, and that comes from following up and following through on what you discuss.

When you lose the trust of your report, they will shut you out and won’t share feedback, ideas, or problems with you. They will feel there is no reason to waste effort talking about things that will never happen and they’ll resent you for it. This is the path straight to losing a team member.

What to do about it: End your one on ones by specifically setting what you and your report’s tasks are because of what you have discussed in the meeting. When you take action on something important they brought up, let them know and thank them for bringing it up.

2) Canceling one on ones

One on ones are the one meeting your report has that’s all about them. The rest are all about what the company wants and needs. When you cancel their one on one, you may think it’s ok, and they’ll probably even say it’s ok if you ask, but it’s not. They will resent you for not treating the conversation about them as important.

It will also break your rhythm of these meetings regularly covering important topics and addressing them; if you go a month without having a one on one, so much may build up that you’ll miss covering something important.

What to do about it: Book your one on ones on your calendar for a consistent time you know you can stick to. If you absolutely can’t make a one on one, then reschedule it for as soon as you can after the cancellation rather than not having it at all. Learn more about why you should never cancel one on ones here.

3) Turning them into status updates

One of the most common things I’ve heard as I talk to people about management is how often a significant portion of the meeting is spent giving a status update of their projects. Nobody wants to have more meetings than necessary, but by putting a status update into a one on one, you’re squeezing out time spent on the most important subject of one on ones: your team member.

There's so much you can talk about in one on ones instead. Consider mixing up the questions you ask so you're always learning something new from your team and engaging them. An app like Lighthouse can help with easy access to good one on one questions.

What to do about it: Have a separate meeting to do status updates or consider using an app like idonethis to stay up to date on what people are accomplishing without having to talk about it in one on ones.

4) Not preparing

Yes, one on ones are all about your report. And yes, they should be bringing things to talk about in the meeting. However, assuming you don’t need to prepare at all for the discussion is a big mistake. Context switching to the meeting can be difficult if you’ve been working on other things and like it or not, your report can tell when you’re really ready for the meeting. Not preparing also makes you miss out on great coaching and feedback opportunities.

What to do about it: Save a few notes and to do items from each meeting. Review them before your next meeting and bring a couple questions for the one on one with you.

5) Not talking about their goals

It’s easy to spend all your time focused on short term issues in your one on ones, but what will make people happiest is when they’re making progress on their long term goals while working at your company. You are unlikely to find out what those goals are unless you talk about them and there is no other time as ideal as the privacy of a one on one to explore their big life goals.

People crave progress. When they're not making progress on their long term goals they'll become restless at work and could start looking for opportunities elsewhere. Don't let that happen by only talking about their goals at review time. Work with them to come up with a plan for their goals and a path for them at your company if you want them to stay.

What to do about it: Every month or two, revisit questions about their goals and what you can do to help them make progress on them. Keep these goals written somewhere you can easily reference, like Lighthouse, so you can take action on them when opportunities arise.

6) Not asking tough questions

It’s easy to get into a rut with one on ones and thus only cover a fraction of the topics that you could. Your one on one time is an amazing opportunity to get insights on many things including: improving the company, feedback on being a better manager for them, feedback and coaching them, improving morale in the company, managing goals and uncovering team issues. Don’t waste it only talking about a fraction of those things.

It's easy to have elephants in the room when working with your team. You can both be afraid to broach subjects if there isn't enough trust. You can build more of that trust if you take the time to get to know them and follow through on your promises. Over time, they'll then be more willing to open up to you.

What to do about it: Rotate through the topics on this list of questions for one on ones and always follow through so your report knows they can really talk to you about anything.

7) Not having them at the right frequency

When someone is brand new to your team, it’s important to have one on ones often so you can build rapport and trust quickly. Also, if every one on one is running long, you may want to have your one on ones more often with them.

On the other hand, if you’re doing them weekly and finding often the meetings aren’t yielding much to talk about even as you cover all the tough questions, then backing off to biweekly or monthly may make sense. This will happen especially with colleagues you’ve worked with or known for a long time.

What to do about it: Challenge yourself to look hard at what’s happening in the one on ones. Are you covering everything you should? Do you know them well enough to detect a problem early without a 1 on 1? If so, you may be able to have them less often. If not, you may want them more often.

8) Not holding them accountable

You’re not having one on ones to play psychologist. You are having them to address issues, understand your team members, and hear what they want. Both of you should have takeaways from each one to make sure you’re both making progress in the areas you agree are important. Letting them slip by with not being actionable in your discussions or not taking care of the action items you discuss, is wasting the time of both of you.

What to do about it: End every one on one by asking them what you can hold them accountable to before your next one on one. Circle back in the next meeting to make sure things are getting done. You should notice an increase in satisfaction that comes with a sense of progress from completing agreed upon takeaways.

9) Not being present in meetings

Have you ever caught yourself zoning out, checking your phone, or looking at email when you’re supposed to be listening to them? Just like canceling a meeting hurts them, not giving them your undivided attention will as well. You may be able to get away with it in a big meeting (though that’s not good either), but this is a one on one; you are the center of the other person’s attention. You aren’t as sneaky or as good at multi-tasking as you think.

What to do about it: If your computer in the meeting is too tempting, leave it at your desk. Do the same for your phone if you have to. Many managers use Moleskin notebooks for these meetings since all you can do is jot notes, not the million other distractions we have today. They then transfer them to their note taking app later. You can also hold yourself to only having one browser window open during the meeting and only to take notes.

10) Thinking you don’t need a 1 on 1, too

I know. You’re busy, and your manager is even busier. And that’s all the more reason for you to touch base in a one on one for yourself, too. Some of those subjects you’re covering with your team in their one on ones will need to bubble up to your manager, who can also help you in many of the same ways you have been helping your team.

Just because you’ve gotten a promotion to manager doesn’t mean your career is set. Continuing to learn where you can improve and talking about your goals is all the more important when you are trying to lead a team of others.

What to do about it: Share with your manager the positive results you’re getting from the one on ones you’re having with your team and tell him you want to do the same. Results will likely grab their attention and convince them of the value, especially if you put the effort in to bring good topics to discuss.

What mistakes have you made in 1 on 1s? How have you addressed them?

Want to have a happy, motivated team? Lighthouse helps you have that by having great 1 on 1s. We help you follow best practices, always be prepared, and follow through on what you discuss. Your team will love you for it.

Learn more and sign up at GetLighthouse.com