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The Right And Wrong Way To Give And Receive Feedback

This article is more than 8 years old.

When I offer feedback to either of my two teenage children, they typically roll their eyes to a point that I didn’t think was possible. When I look back to years managing teams of professionals, I recall receiving a similar rolling of the eyes when offering business feedback. My initial thought is that there must be something wrong with all of them. A recent experience led me to consider that perhaps how I offer feedback might trigger the eye-rolling responses. I had the pleasure of interviewing Alison Whitmire on the Grow My Revenue Business Cast, who shared the right and wrong way to give and receive feedback.

Alison is the CEO of Learning in Action. They measure emotional intelligence. Though I have heard the term emotional intelligence for years, I don’t think that I ever truly understood it until Alison explained it. Though Alison quickly gives credit to Daniel Goldman’s book from 1995, Alison clearly has established herself as a capable expert in the field. Ultimately, Alison explains that emotional intelligence allows you to “Stay calm, cool, and collected under stress.”

Alison shares some great wisdom throughout the interview:

  • What are the biggest mistakes people make when offering feedback to others?
  • How to set yourself up for feedback success, instead of feedback failure
  • What should be going through your head when you’re receiving feedback so your ego doesn’t get in the way?
  • The best way to stay calm, cool, and collected under stress
  • What is emotional intelligence and what can it do for you?
  • What makes a great TED talk?

For years, leaders have been taught to provide feedback in the form of a sandwich. Leaders had been taught to start with something positive, then provide the criticism, and then finish with something else positive to the recipient. Alison explains why doing so is just really bad advice. Of course, she offers three specific steps to the right way to deliver and receive proper feedback. I love how she took the time to give incredible examples of how the right feedback should sound.

As one of the first TEDx organizers, Alison was the person who brought Simon Sinek to the TED stage. Sinek delivered his now famous “Start with Why” speech that has been viewed millions of times. It seemed fitting to ask her the question about what makes a TED talk.

Ultimately, one of my favorite points was how Alison shared that feedback needs to put both parties on the same side of the table conceptually. As the author of Same Side Selling, I might be a bit biased.

It’s Your Turn

Please take the time to share your feedback on Alison’s interview. What questions did it raise for you? What lessons have you learned in giving or receiving feedback?

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