Online rape threats terrify some women – and damage all men

Then it got sinister. She said, “I know where you drink and get your hair cut. I know where your kids go to school”. It culminated in her emailing me “your children aren’t safe. You need to leave London”.

I immediately concluded she was bonkers, and emailed, “never contact me again, or I’ll call the cops”. I blocked her on all social media platforms. And that was the end of that.

My cyber stalker isn't the only example of someone throwing threats my way online. I've been told I look “stabby” and have a “punchable face” by women on Twitter. I get vitriolic abuse from women (and men) most days. But I’m still breathing.

So my initial reaction to the Reclaim The Internet initiative, launched yesterday and designed largely to stamp out online misogyny – was an unsympathetic eye roll. As a man, my pre-programmed thought pattern is, “oh, grow a pair. Block them. Move on”.

My resistance was heightened as the campaign is spearheaded by four female MPs – Yvette Cooper, Maria Miller, Jo Swinson and, of course, Jess Phillips. At least two of the four MPs have previously been extremely vocal about the sexist trolling they’ve suffered. To me, this willing deferment to victimhood is a bad look. It flies in the face of the modern “I can do anything” feminist ideology.

A major problem with Reclaim The Internet is that it suggests online abuse is suffered foremost by women. Look at the mission statement below. The first word in the list is misogyny.

The picture painted by scientific research is more nuanced. According to research released yesterday by think-tank Demos, women are responsible for half of online abuse. In 2014, the same body found that male public figures are more likely to be on the receiving end of abusive messages than women.

Hence, I tweeted, “Why is there no man on the #ReclaimtheInternet MP's panel? Is online abuse uniquely suffered only by women? Or does abuse on men not count?”

The message that “women can be mean to each other on the internet, too!” is not in the script. Which is perhaps why  the DEMOS study – which tracked use of the words “slut” and “whore” – was loudly discredited by feminists on Twitter, who claimed it wasn’t representative of genuine abuse, as it didn’t study rape threats.

Ah, rape threats. Hallowed ground; the trump card. Jess Phillips played this after she was trolled on Reddit for her dismissive behaviour towards International Men's Day last year (the MP for Birmingham Yardley guffawed at the idea of IMD, then tried – and failed – to block a Commons debate that majored on eradicating male suicide). She retweeted her abuse for all to see, instantly morphing from masculinity’s unmitigated villain into an untouchable victim. MPs and campaigners flocked to support a woman who 24 hours earlier had been in the political wilderness.

Those rape threats “proved” Phillips right, even though the gender of her abusers was never publicly verified.

I remain angered by Phillips's actions towards IMD and her willingness to portray herself as the victim in the aftermath. 

But as yesterday went on and #reclaimtheinternet topped the trending charts, I began to think differently. When I recalled my own stalker, I never once felt genuinely afraid. Why not?

I think it comes down to this: I’m a man. The moment I go out my front door into the real world, I’m 6’3” and built like a brick outhouse. When those threats came in against my kids, I thought, “You’d have to go through me first”.

Like any father, I’d trade my life for my children’s in a heartbeat. This Darwinistic self-sacrifice is what makes men such effective soldiers, and why millions of us have willingly died in wars. Physically, we’ve got our own backs.

Can we reasonably say the same of most women? If women are subjected to online rape threats, how do they feel when they leave home, or see a stranger lurking in a doorway?

Then the penny finally dropped.

I despise rape threats not only because they terrify some women – but because they damage all men. Time and again, like yesterday, the actions of a few morons were used to politically smear masculinity as toxic.

Here, we must remember it is not only men who issue rape threats. One of the two jailed in January 2014 for harassing feminist campaigner Caroline Criado-Perez was a woman. Yesterday’s DEMOS study also proved we cannot truly know the gender of online abusers.

But let’s agree: rape threats are the most contemptible form of social media bullying. And let’s also agree, in terms of the fear they impose, they effect women more than men.

Any man – or woman – who issues a rape threat isn’t just letting the side down. They’re letting humanity down.