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Key points
- When kids get everything they want, it feeds into their sense of entitlement and the growth of an entitlement epidemic.
- A child who expects to be rescued from their mistakes may have issues with entitlement.
- Lessening a child's sense of entitlement begins with the parents restraining their overprotective instincts.
The scene: A child's birthday party, Christmas morning or any gift-giving occasion.
Most of us have watched as the youngster—your child or a friend or relative's child—tears into her gifts. She sees what is in one package and quickly moves on to the next. A parent stands by reminding her to say "thank you," often fruitlessly. Feeling somewhat helpless, the parent herself comments on how special the gift is, just what her son or daughter wanted.
The birthday party, particularly the “over the top” extravaganza, is only one way parents indulge their children and cultivate their sense of entitlement. We delight in seeing our children’s faces light up when they receive exactly what they want, when we drop whatever we are doing to drive to someplace they have to be “right now!” or when we agree to finish their school project so they can get a good night’s sleep.
Happiness Overdone
Yet, when children receive everything they want, we feed into their sense of entitlement—and feelings of gratitude fall by the wayside. It’s what Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, believes is a “Me, Me, Me” epidemic brought on by parents doing everything they can to ensure their children’s happiness.
“The entitlement epidemic usually begins with over-parenting—over-indulging, over-protecting, over-pampering, over-praising, and jumping through hoops to meet kids' endless demands," she says. "Today’s generation of parents are overly invested in their child’s happiness, comfort and success.
“Overly involved parents helicopter their kids’ every move and mow down the potential obstacles in their path,” McCready adds. “In our attempt to shelter our kids from adversity, we rob them of the opportunity to make decisions, learn from their mistakes, and develop the resilience needed to thrive through the ups and downs of life. This is all done in the name of love—but too much of a good thing can result in kids who always expect to get what they want when they want it.”
9 Signs Your Child Has Entitlement Issues
Does your child have an entitlement issue? In her book, The Me, Me, Me Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World, McCready details signs that help indicate the extent of an offspring’s “me, me, me” problem:
- Expects bribes or rewards for good behavior.
- Rarely lifts a finger to help.
- Is more concerned about himself than others.
- Passes blame when things go wrong.
- Can’t handle disappointment.
- Needs a treat to get through the store.
- Expects to be rescued from his mistakes.
- Feels like the rules don’t apply.
- Constantly wants more…and more.
Turning the Tide of Entitlement
Whatever the depth of your child’s sense of entitlement, it can be lessened. Good places to start: Restrain your overprotective instincts and stop doing things for your children that they can do themselves.
For instance, if you are worried about your child, preteen, or teen riding in the car with a new driver, say no and then stand firm. Sure, your child will be disappointed, but don’t change your position. Children tend to recover fairly quickly from most disappointments.
If your child wants a smartphone, McCready advises agreeing to pay for a basic phone and explaining that he or she will have to earn the money for a “fancier” phone and pay the data charges. (Take the Test: Are You Too Much of a Yes-Parent?)
Have you been able to turn the entitlement tide around in your family? If so, how did you do it?
Related:
- Damage Control for the Spoiled Child—Part I
- Are You Unwittingly Spoiling Your Child? - Part II. How to deprogram the “I have to have it” syndrome.
- Are You Too Much of a Yes-Parent?
Copyright @2015, 2018 by Susan Newman
