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Here’s a secret: Getting rid of stuff feels good. Less is more, buy better, etc. Maybe it was the advent of horror-reality like Hoarders, or the fatigue associated with a consumer culture that spawned the likes of Forever 21 and Black Friday death counts. But last October, a little book with watercolor clouds on the hardcover inspired millions of people to throw away all their useless shit. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, by one-woman war on clutter Marie Kondo, is a breath of fresh air for people with an icky habit of loading up their shopping carts with frivolous stuff they hardly use. And for a lot of dudes—guys who work at a men’s fashion magazine notwithstanding—that “stuff” is mostly clothes. So, we thought we’d put together a short, Kondo-inspired guide to cleaning out your closet. Trust us. You'll feel great after you do.
Set Aside a Whole Day
The most critical step in any overhaul is to make a big event of it. Set aside a Saturday, a case of Miller High Life (or whatever), and a few big garbage bags. Throw on some Drake or The Smiths or whatever it is whenever you’re compartmentalizing your feelings, because it’s about to get very emotional in casa de you.
Divide Your Closet into Categories
If you’re reading this, chances are that you have a clothing vice. Maybe it’s knit ties. Maybe it’s white sneakers. Maybe it’s ratty NBA T-shirts from the ‘90s with those big cartoon heads. Whatever it is, chances are you cycle through three or five of them a week, max, and barely touch the stuff that your amygdala has already deemed inferior. Which is fine. Our whole philosophy is built on the idea that you should only wear stuff that makes you feel good.
Unfortunately, that means you have a lot of extra stuff taking up hard-won space in your closet. Before diving into throwaway mode, take a taxonomy of all your gear. Separate all your shirts, socks, jackets, underwear, hats, and monocles, and dump them all onto the floor. Arrange into piles. (By the time you’re done with this, it helps to be on drink number two.)
Go Through Each Pile One by One
This is the looooooong, hard part. Start with your biggest pile, say, your collection of old emo T-shirts. Go through each item, one by one. Cradle it in your hands like a newborn fawn. Ask yourself a deceptively complicated question: Do I love this thing?
If you love it, keep it. If it’s anything less than that, throw it immediately into the “nope” pile, where it will be discarded and soon removed from your life. “My criterion for deciding to keep an item is that we should feel a thrill of joy when we touch it,” writes Kondo. “Items that we can’t bring ourselves to discard even when they don’t inspire joy are a real problem.”
Now, this is a strict binary: The idea is to rid your life of anything that’s simply meh. YOU ARE NOT MEH, SO YOUR SHIT SHOULD NOT BE, EITHER. Keep only the stuff that makes you feel like a sparklepile of handsome when you wear it. (For underwear and socks, that means anything with even the slightest hint of yellow. Don’t be gross.) And if that means getting rid of that Taking Back Sunday tee that’s two sizes two small that you wore during your first real makeout sesh, then so be it.
Can’t I Just Sleep In It?
No. Your sleepwear collection is already too big. Besides! You can literally sleep in anything.
And If You’re On the Fence About Something...
Extricating your feelings from your material possessions is tough, I know. Believe me! But here's Kondo with the lob:
Shout out to Marie Kondo for changing the game.
Getting Rid of It
So now you have a few garbage bags of stuff ready to throw out. You can take your haul down to your local thrift store, or, if you’re altruistic and looking for a tax break, donate it and get the tax write-off. For those of you could care less about the environment because global warming is an elaborate fiction furthered by commie liberals (stay woke), the garbage is fine too. Just get rid of it.
I’m also a fan of Twice, an online consignment store that will send you a big plastic bag to fill with gently worn clothes. (Postage is handled, unless you want something mailed back.) You might even earn some cash for your troubles, and the best part is, you don't have to drive anywhere.
Admire Your New Closet
Look, you have space! Isn’t space beautiful? And you’ve just ensured that you’ll only wear stuff you actually feel good in.
Now, you just have to keep things tidy. Fold your shirts. Hang your jackets. Keep your shoes in order. Put things back where they belong as soon as you’re done with them, every time. There. Don’t you feel like a million bucks?
