What Does "You're Not A Good Fit" Really Mean?

CHRIS: Oh my gosh Liz, I'm so frustrated!

LIZ: Why?

CHRIS: I got two interviews into what seems like a great job opportunity. Listen to this - I spent two and a half hours with the hiring manager, a guy named Blake. He had told me we would talk for an hour. His assistant knocked on the door at the end of the first hour and he said "No, go ahead and postpone my appointments."

I was shocked when the recruiter called me today and said "I talked to the employer, and they say you're not a good fit." What the heck does it mean? 

LIZ: It could mean anything, which is why I always advise people not to read too much into a statement like that. If you think about it, "Not a good fit" is an all-purpose brush-off. Once you say "You're not a good fit," you don't have to say anything else.

CHRIS: What's weird is that I go right to self-recrimination. I figure I must have screwed up somehow, but how? Like I said, it was a great interview.

LIZ: It might have been too good.

CHRIS: How so?

LIZ: You were deep in the vault with Blake, right? 

CHRIS: Yes! I did the pain thing you teach. I spun the table. I got him talking about what isn't working, and there's a lot that falls into that category. Some of it is perfectly understandable and some of it speaks to basic Marketing operations. They don't have a good way to deal with sales leads. The sales VP is all over Blake about that. Maybe we went too far into the vault for Blake's taste. Maybe he regretted it later.

LIZ: That's exactly what I mean. Sometimes you have a deep, substantive conversation with someone and then it hits them on the drive home that they told you things they haven't even told their own boss. 

CHRIS: I figured he was just a really forthcoming guy.

LIZ: Think about it through the lens of fear and trust. Now if he wants to hire you, Blake has to trust you. He's already told you some things he may wish he hadn't.

CHRIS: So instead of getting a new job, I go around the countryside like Johnny Appleseed, except instead of planting apple trees I give away free therapy. Next time, steer clear of the vault?

LIZ: No way! You have to know the person you're going to work for. Blake was right. It's not a good fit, but you didn't do anything wrong! You met a guy who was dying to spill his guts but the minute he did, he regretted it.

CHRIS: This makes sense. When he was walking me back to the front lobby, Blake said "Now you know where the bodies are buried!" He laughed, but it was that hollow kind of laugh. 

LIZ: Did he seem like a fearful guy in general?

CHRIS: Well, let me think about that. Yes, he did. He was very, very concerned about his relationship with the VP of Sales, Armin. It seemed like Armin may be the loud blustery type, and Blake lives in terror that Armin is going to find fault with him -- with Blake, I mean. 

LIZ: Doesn't that make you happy you didn't get the job?

CHRIS: Wow. We are really programmed, aren't we? You and I have been talking for maybe five minutes and you got me to see that I'd hate working for this guy Blake. But when the recruiter called this morning, I was beside myself. I felt horrible. I thought "What kind of loser am I?"

LIZ: Everyone thinks that way at times. We've been taught that the point of a job interview is to get the job, no matter what. Somehow if any hiring manager at all doesn't want to hire us, we start to think we're damaged goods or there's something wrong with us.

CHRIS: How do I prevent myself from falling into that pit the next time?

LIZ: The minute you get home from a job interview, write down everything you can remember. Then call a great friend of yours who knows you well and will tell you the truth, and run it down again on the phone.

Your friend will hear things you missed on the interview, because you had your Performance Brain on. You were trying to impress the interviewer, when actually an interview is a recon mission.  Your job is to learn as much as you can so you can decide whether or not the job really is a good fit. 

CHRIS: That's so true! I could call you -

LIZ: You're going to go on lots of interviews, and calling me every time is going to cost you a lot of money. Call someone who will talk to you for free. You can do the same thing for them. You can be Post-Interview Debrief Buddies for one another.

CHRIS: So would you say the "You're not a good fit" reaction is always related to fear?

LIZ: Not at all -- it could be anything. It could be that they really just don't think you'd mesh with their culture. It could be that they have someone in mind for the job, or that they aren't going to tell you that they want to hire a six-foot-two Caucasian man for the job or a South American, Capricorn, left-handed female for that matter.

You have no idea. The key is that it doesn't matter. Everything happens for a reason. They say you're not a good fit? Great! You don't have time for people like that. Only the people who get you, deserve you.

CHRIS: I have to keep that in mind.

LIZ: That's the key. Have you ever worked for someone who didn't understand you?

CHRIS: God, yes, I did. That was hell. Three years trying to push a rock uphill.

LIZ: There you go. Move on to the next thing. You've got a mission and you don't have time for people who can't hear what you're saying.

CHRIS: There are a lot of them.

LIZ: There are more Human Workplaces every day. Some of them are startups and some of them are pockets inside big companies. All you need is one.

CHRIS: You always lift my spirits!

LIZ: I only tell the truth. I hate to see people get down on themselves just because some bozo told them "No, I'm not going to hire you." Would you hire this Blake dude, if the shoe were on the other foot?

CHRIS: No way! He's kind of a pretty boy. He's more empty suit than solid citizen. He didn't have a lot of intellectual depth and no curiosity. It's just that when you're job-hunting, you're so focused on that transaction. You think "Please somebody, give me a job!"

LIZ: That's a force field you create in the room. That fear reaction is your biggest job search impediment. Can you spin this Blake thing so that you see that the guy never deserved you in the first place?

You did him a great service with two and a half hours of free consulting. Next time that happens, get out. Don't stick around just because he loves to hear himself talk.

CHRIS: Wow -- I never thought of that. I thought I was lucky that he kept the interview going.

LIZ: Get out at the ninety-minute mark and say "This has been terrific. Thanks so much for your time." You'll see the look of disappointment on the interviewer's face. That's good. Why should you stick around for hours of free therapy? He can pay you for that. You don't want to teach people not to value you.

CHRIS: Holy moly! I see that now. That's a really good point.

LIZ: It's new day, my friend. We each get to create our own Human Workplace and carry it around with us.When you value what you bring, other people will value it, too.

CHRIS: I get it. Thanks, coach! 

Questions and Answers

What does Chris mean when he says "I did the pain thing you teach?"

Chris is talking about Pain Interviewing. You can learn about Pain Interviewing in the 12-week virtual course "Interviewing with MOJO" or in the 12-week virtual course "Get the Job You Deserve."

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