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7 min readMay 19, 2015

I don’t know what I want: 7 Steps to the “As-well-as”-Lifestyle

One day baby, we’ll be old. Oh baby, we’ll be old. And think of all the stories that we could have told….

I’ve always been interested in lots of different stuff. There were so many jobs out there I would have loved to do and my personal bucket list was endless. There were tons of places I wanted to see and millions of things I wanted to do. Phew — where are you supposed to start?

I had too many thoughts circling around my head, crowding me, making me feel bad … and making it virtually impossible for me to make a decision. I mean, how should I know whether or not it was the right one?!

As a consequence and out of fear of making the wrong call, I would oftentimes not move forward or not make a decision at all.

Do you know what that’s like? Shitty, isn’t it?!

One day I was attending a cool lecture in Berlin on the whole subject. That’s where I finally understood that, while it was a luxury problem, it was one that was to be taken seriously.

The problem is that we have too many possibilities.

I found myself liking the example relating to jelly best:

You want to buy some jelly. Being able to choose between three kinds instead of one gives you a sense of pleasure at first. However, if you’re suddenly faced with 6 types of jelly, that feeling is quickly replaced by fear — what if you choose the wrong kind of jelly? Makes sense, right?

Pick your poison

Nowadays we have a plethora of choices when it comes to making our dreams come true.

So far so good! But the truth is that this can be overwhelming.

You’re constantly toying with the idea whether or not another option might be the better or more responsible choice:

Relationship or traveling?
Kids or traveling?
Career or traveling?
Freedom or security?
Freedom or relationship?
Career or kids?
College or traveling?
Apricot jelly or strawberry jelly?
Thailand or Costa Rica?

The more alternatives you have, the more difficult it becomes and the higher the expectations you put into said option. Have you ever heard of the following formula?

Luck = current state — expectations.

Since what you really want is an all-in-one solution you don’t grant either of your dreams priority No. 1. Instead you come up with tons of small excuses for not making a decision, leaving you unhappy and unsatisfied.

My 7 steps on how to escape the mess

The following 7 tips have personally helped me when it comes to making decisions. Thanks to this I finally managed to juggle several different things at the same time.

1. Recognize your problem

Be aware of your problem.

“But you have everything in your life. Why can’t you just be satisfied?” True, but nevertheless, you have a problem — one that needs to be taken seriously.

Yes, it’s a luxury problem. You’re in the very lucky position of having to many options to choose from. The good news is that you’re not alone with this. There are plenty of people out there who experience the same thing.

2. It’s not one dream alone

Alright, let’s say you’re like me and you want to travel a lot. Sounds awesome.

But would traveling alone make you happy for the rest of your life?

Recognize that traveling, job, relationship, family, friends are much more closely related than you think.

At one point you’ll be aching for a new task, a new challenge, money or a relationship.

Traveling is just one area of many in your life. The solution here is to not just throw yourself into one area while completely neglecting the others.

3. You don’t have to pass anything up

Look at it this way: It can be a good thing that you want too much. Dreams can drive you forward. Worse would be if you didn’t know at all what to do with yourself.

Wanting too much doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to give anything up. You just have to be smart about tackling it or try joining things together. This requires a bit of creativity.

Conveniently, traveling can fuel your creativity and ideas. Why? You meet others who more or less share the same concept of living, you get a new perspective and you become more creative and brave.

4. Separating your dreams

Life is a journey, not a destination.

There are certain phases in life. Separate everything you’d like to do into different life stages (starting out, maybe for the next 5 to 10 years).

This way you can live out many interests conflicting with each other: backpacking through Australia, a VW bus tour through Europe, getting involved in animal protection, writing a book, traveling around the world.

A lot can be done in a row, at the same time or maybe later on.

Start with what you feel like doing NOW and make this your number one priority. A trip around the world, for example. This doesn’t mean wishes x and y are off the table. You’ll just get around to them later.

5. Combining dreams

Kids don’t necessarily equal marriage, house and constraints. Your job isn’t all duties and obligations either. Certain jobs can very well be combined with traveling and extended stays abroad.

Or you and your partner could pack up your belongings every 3 or 4 years, emigrating to another country, working from there and getting to know a new continent.

Or you work location-independent.

6. Nothing is definite

Realize that no decision is definite: You can always steer your life towards another direction.

It’s actually quite possible that your priorities shift over the course of your life. You get new ideas and keep reinventing yourself. That’s what makes it exciting, right?

7. Finding the cause

In some cases the dream of traveling, for example, has a totally different cause.

Do you maybe want to escape your relationship? Are unhappy with your job? What part of traveling is most appealing to you? Is it the change of scenery? Freedom? Where else can you incorporate this into your everyday life?

You don’t have to decide.

Don’t think that it will make you happy if you decide on one thing.

Don’t forget that there are many other factors involved here. Think about your entire way of life.

Job, family, friends, relationship and whatever else plays an important role in your life.

Divide your dreams into different time frames or even combine them. Don’t let yourself be influenced by social conventions trying to impose a certain lifestyle on you.

The Wheel of Life

An ingenious model to keep everything balanced is the so called “Wheel of Life”.

Step 1: Create your wheel of life

Start out by gathering the areas of life that are relevant to you. For example:

Job
Financial
Family
Friends
Leisure
Sports
Relationships
Spiritual
Continued Education
Health
etc.

Then go ahead and draw a circle that’s divided into equal parts like a cake. Label each cake piece with one area of your life. Starting at the center of the circle, draw a scale, meaning a line, until it touches the outside of the circle. The middle being a 0 and the end of the line — the one touching the outside — being a 10.

Now make a dot for how happy you currently are with each respective area of your life. For example, a 2 for sports or a 9 for job, etc.

Time to connect the dots — the result can be almost circular or not, depending on how pronounced each area is.

Above the whole chart you can also note your most important (prime goal) or value.

Step 2: Ask yourself the right questions

Take a good, long look at your masterpiece and ask yourself:

Are you happy with the result?
What do you notice?
Where would you like to make changes?
Why did you score yourself in each category like you did?
What do I have to do to enhance this area by +1?
What first step can I take?

Note: The wheel doesn’t have to be round. It’s OK if it’s more important to you to fully focus on a certain area and not another.

The visualization is where the magic happens. You become more aware of your situation.

It’ll make it way easier for you to make decisions, set goals and also reaching those goals, meaning you will ultimately grow and move forward in life.

Away from the “either-or” to a “as well as” lifestyle. After all, it would be a shame if you didn’t do the things you’d planned, wouldn’t it?

One day baby, we’ll be old. Oh baby, we’ll be old. And think of all the stories that we could have told….

While writing this I am sitting in Tarifa in the South of Spain in the La Cocotera Coworking Hostel. Wanna join? Or in Marokko (will be there from 10th June 15 on) or in Lisbon or in Jeri in Brasil or…. ☺