The Confidence Factor for Women: I am too shy

At an early age, my mother and grandmother were resilient in their quest to raise confident women. My grandmother proudly emigrated to the United Stated when I was a baby to set out on a quest to provide a better life for my mother and aunts abroad. It was normal in my home to hear my grandmother say, "there is no such thing as shy when you know what to ask for."

Fast forwarding the clock many years, as the proud parent of a confident son of my own, my husband and I have taken an oath to support his ability to ask. Then, as I became more passionate about the journey of women who create layers of fear around their own success, a weekend of babysitting brought something to my attention.

A six year old changed my life

My friend asked me to watch her daughter for a few days last summer and I gladly accepted. Besides, that is what real friends are for. Each day, the new reality of having 2 children was a new journey. However, she kept saying, "I am shy." We went to the mall and someone in the store told her that she was cute, she said, "I am shy." I took her to school without knowing she was scared of going in on her own, she looked at me in the car and said, "I am shy," so I walked her inside to her class. 

The list goes on

Every bashful moment resulted in the same 3 words, "I am shy." However, when she was at home with me, she was extremely bold and loud. Then, I realized, that was the excuse she was fed. Subsequently, I asked myself, "what would a 6 year old know about the word shy?" After I asked, she had no clue. That was my moment of clarity. 

We mislabel our girls, which hinders them from increasing the volume within leadership. Shyness is often misunderstood in the corporate world. This is a hard pill to swallow, but imagine if her mother reassured her that speaking up and asking for what she deserves is a GOOD thing, could you imagine the possibilities? Hence, the "I'm Bossy" movement has more work to do. We encourage our boys to lead and give our girls the excuse to limit themselves in leadership. 

I had the desire to lead since I was in grade school and watched L.A. Law for the first time. Today, as a business consultant who works primarily with high level executives and business owners, I wonder if the low percentage of women in leadership could be linked to the whisper of our childhood? Are we training our young ladies to limit their growth by brokering fear into our salary negotiations? It is something to consider. 

Women can be powerful leaders, executives, and exceptional business owners. However, we cannot be "shy" while seeking success. We must ask questions and recognize the value of our presence. Remember, young ladies become women who have to decide one day. Ordinary vs. Extraordinary: the path depends on your confidence level. Words matter.

To learn more about joining the Confidence Factor for Women in Leadership movement for exceptional leaders, visitwww.theconfidencefactorforwomen.com.

Carol Sankar is a business advisor for high level executives, service based visionaries and a leadership expert who is committed to assisting passionate, high-achieving leaders simplify their lives while increasing revenue by becoming productive, not working harder.Carol has been featured in Madame Noire, LearnVest, The Steve Harvey TV Show, CNNMoney.com, TEDx, Daily Worth, Entrepreneur Magazine and Essence Magazine 

For details, visit www.carolsankar.com