Dear NPR: You left something out

Dear NPR: You left something out

I just finished listening to your very fine story about depression and how difficult it can be to talk about it, especially in the workplace. You profiled an oncology physician who started sinking under the weight of the accumulated grief in his own life.

A safe place for speaking

It was a good and awareness raising story, with one glaring omission. Not once did anyone mention anything about talking to a therapist. For many people, the safety of a therapist's office is the first place they can speak aloud the words they'd never dared say. With a therapist, a person can think through disclosure... who to tell, how to prepare for reactions, and then they can process those reactions as they come. It seemed incredible to me that you could talk about talking about depression and never mention the benefits of seeing a therapist.

Okay, so maybe some of the umbrage I'm taking is professional. I am myself a therapist who often works with people dealing with depression. But my reaction is more than feeling a professional slight.

Grief unspoken and unhealed

Unhealed grief doesn't go away. It sits in the shadows, waiting for a chance to attach itself to any new loss. Like a program running in the background of our computers, it siphons off sometimes small but always constant energy and well-being.

I sometimes staff grief workshops that grew out of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' work. Over and over through the years I've seen people come intending to grieve some fresh loss, but to their surprise what steps to the front of the line is a loss from long ago that's been sitting in the shadows, just waiting.

Staffing these workshops is always a delight and amazement to me. I love seeing the changes in people as they finally allow themselves to express the feelings they've kept locked away, when they feel the freedom finally to speak and wail and whisper. From the first hour to the last, people look different. They leave looking lighter and brighter. 

I'm glad the doctor responded to medication. But I wonder if he's ever had the deep healing of someone bearing witness without judgment as he cried. I wonder if he's had the transforming power of having someone brave enough to sit with him as he raged about cancer and all of the other things that rob us of the people we love. When we are allowed to do such things we can move beyond managing a condition to healing our souls.

Grieving is the most active of verbs. It's okay to have some help as we do it.

Frieda Ferrick

MFT at Self employed, Licensed Counselor

8y

You expressed this so well and I hope some people from many different fields will take what you wrote seriously.

Jennifer Melnick Carota

Visionary Life Strategist and Entrepreneur. Counseling, Coaching, and Mentoring. New Beginnings for Life and Business

8y

Thank you for writing this powerful article. Perfect.

L. Chris Cannida

LPC-Supervisor/Consultant

8y

One of your best, Peggy! Thanks for pointing this out.

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