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Working with women to build happier, more rewarding lives and careers, and also researching what keeps people stuck in unhappy and unhealthy behaviors, I’ve seen firsthand that for so many today, self-care is something people consider to be too challenging, out of reach and the last priority. Not only do thousands of women believe that engaging in nurturing care of their own bodies, minds and spirits should fall behind the needs of everyone else, they also have come to associate “self-care” (thanks to the media and other misguided influences) with the drudgery and pain of strenuous, muscle-ripping exercise that they don’t want to do, and certainly feel they can’t sustain over the long arch of their lives.
I’ve often thought there has to be a healthier, more sustainable and enjoyable way to approach self-care that makes us “want” to do it rather than feel we “should” (which isn’t a sustainable motivation). But what’s the answer?
To learn more about how we can change our view of self-care, I was excited to catch up with Michelle Segar, motivation expert, scientist and author of No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness. Michelle is a leading national authority on what motivates people to choose and maintain healthy behaviors. Pioneering new approaches to sustainable behavior change in the fitness and health care arenas, Segar is Director of the Sport, Health, and Activity Research and Policy Center (SHARP) at the University of Michigan, and Chair of the U.S. National Physical Activity Plan’s Communications Committee.
Michelle shares critical information about how we can modify our view of self-care, and integrate it more effectively into our lives, and why we need to:
Kathy Caprino: Michelle, in your new book No Sweat you talk about how we can create lasting motivation for exercise as a core self-care behavior. What got you interested in studying exercise as self-care?
Michelle Segar: In February 1994 I was conducting a randomized exercise trial with cancer survivors and got an unexpected result that shocked me onto a new professional path. We were studying whether exercise could decrease depressive and anxiety symptoms, and we found that it did. Three months after the formal study ended, we asked the participants to return for focus groups. They all said the exercise had been for their health and self-care – yet virtually every one of them had stopped exercising when their commitment to our study ended! I was stunned. Their reasons -- “Oh, I have to work,” “I have to chauffeur my kids,” “I have to take care of my parents.” – all boiled down to the same thing: they felt comfortable committing to exercising for our research, but not for themselves.
Wow. If people who have faced a life-threatening illness are not able to prioritize their own self-care, which they know firsthand has tangible benefits, then we have a real problem as a society. And that really disturbed me because solid research supports the fact daily movement has immense benefits for our health, our brains, our emotional balance.
For the past 21 years I’ve been researching how we can create easy, effective solutions for sustainable self-care, and coaching clients to put these solutions into practice in their own lives: integrating true self-care, sustaining it over time, and – yes -- enjoying it.
Caprino: You mentioned that you’ve found five core strategies to be very effective, even for people who have started and stopped diet and exercise programs over and over again. Can you share them?
Segar: Sure, they are:
#1: Stop calling physical activity “exercise” -- everything counts when it comes to moving your body.
One of the most important things my clients take away from our coaching sessions – the idea that really stays with them, and keeps them active – is that when it comes to physical activity, a growing body of research supports my mantra that everything counts. Sweating for 45 minutes at the gym is just one kind of exercise, and if you love it, by all means keep it up. But it’s not for everyone, and it’s only one of many options.
Plus we know that sitting is bad for our health. I can’t say it enough: whether you’re walking upstairs, walking the dog, or pushing a vacuum cleaner around the living room, every minute of physical activity you do during the day adds up. Give yourself credit for what you already do: write down every time today that you’ve moved your body and add up the minutes. It’s like a treasure hunt. Tomorrow, find a new Opportunity to Move. Notice the extra energy. Pat yourself on the back. (To help with this, download Michelle’s free “It’s Your Move™ poster to hang in your home, office, or clinic as a reminder and motivator.)
#2: Choose to move in ways that feel good, not in ways you think are “good for you” but make you feel bad.
If even thinking about doing structured exercise makes you feel tired and tense, how likely is it that you’ll change your clothes, get in the car, and go to the gym? And if you do manage to get there, are you likely to enjoy yourself, to stay with it for the long term?
Many people think they have to exercise like this for better health. Like most people, I used to believe that “better health” was a great motivator for adopting a self-care behavior, but the opposite is true: Logic-based reasons for taking care of ourselves, such as “losing weight” or “being healthier,” mean waiting weeks or months to see the results – if we see them at all. Research shows will-power depletes over time; it's emotions, not logic, that motivate our daily decisions. If something makes us feel good now, we’re virtually hardwired to do it. Next time you find yourself thinking about exercise you think you should do but dread, try this: Close your eyes and ask yourself, “How can I move my body to feel good right now?” Whatever you see yourself doing – dancing for five minutes in your bedroom, leisurely walking in the park, doing yoga – if it puts a smile on your face, do it, and know that you are taking care of yourself in a way you are more likely to sustain.
#3: Identify your foundational (and compelling) self-care behavior.
If I don’t get enough sleep, my day is effectively wrecked. In the same way, my husband needs his morning bike ride, and my friend Jane needs her fifteen minutes of yoga practice. I call these our “non-negotiable self-care behaviors,” the foundation and fuel for everything else we do for ourselves, our families, our work. What do you need to make sure you have enough mental, physical, and emotional energy to accomplish the many tasks that make up your day? Fill in the blank: Without _________________, my day is not likely to go well. Now strategize some concrete ways to make that happen (e.g., turn off the TV an hour earlier, reschedule an appointment).
#4: Give yourself permission to make taking care of your daily well-being a real priority.
Once we get past the “honeymoon” stage with our new self-care behavior, sustainable self-care begins—or doesn’t. Most people think that lack of motivation is the deal breaker, but what truly derails our plans is not putting our own self-care needs first because it seems “selfish.” Yet taking care of yourself is actually the best thing you can do to make sure you are truly there for your friends, your family, and your responsibilities.
We know this already - If we don’t have the energy for ourselves, we don’t have it for anything else. Try this: Just for one day, pretend that you genuinely feel comfortable making your own self-care a priority. Consciously permit yourself to create some time in your day (today, tomorrow, or the next day) to enhance your sense of well-being (e.g., take a hot bath, mediate for five minutes, listen to music, take a walk). Do it, and reflect on how you feel. This strategy can involve a leap of faith, especially if you struggle with low self-esteem or feel overwhelmed by responsibilities, but I hope you’ll try it.
#5: Think of sustainable self-care as continual learning journey, not as a target you have to hit.
In the perfectionist, media-driven world we live in, it’s easy to think we need to be perfect all of the time. But this means that we are almost always setting ourselves up for failure. Sustainable self-care is not really about hitting a specific mark. It’s about learning to negotiate with life’s ebbs and flows so you can keep moving, keep getting enough sleep, keep getting enough time for yourself today, tomorrow, and years from now.
Try this the next time you get down on yourself for not taking an opportunity to move: Respect that you are in a process of learning something new, and enjoy the trial and error — you’ve learned something new about yourself and your life. Note the circumstance that kept you from your self-care activity, and get curious about a few ways you can do it differently next time. Then, look forward to next time.
For more information, visit No Sweat and download a free excerpt Escaping the Vicious Cycle of Failure, on michellesegar.com.
To build more happiness in your work-life, visit kathycaprino.com and The Amazing Career Project.
