NASHVILLE, Tenn. - The divorce rate in the United States continues to fall, but a large percentage of couples still call it quits despite their vows of "for better or worse."

The reasons can vary as much as the individuals involved, although experts say there are ways to safeguard a marriage, especially when children join the family.

Babies and children can bring stresses ranging from a lack of sleep to extra expense and housework, said marriage counselor Patricia Mackie, so it is vital for two parents to be on the same page.

"If parents aren't really talking about how they're going to raise their children - they're not talking about their style, they're not in agreement on what they're doing, whether it's attachment parenting or any other style of parenting - that's very difficult on a marriage," she said.

Another key to getting through those first few years with children, Mackie said, is making sure fathers aren't left feeling like a "third wheel," as sometimes can happen.

"What research shows is the more that dads are involved, the more they get involved in the parenting and the daily lives of their children and playing with their kids and their wives together, the better their marriages are," she said. "So, I think that's just a crucial piece, as far as marriage goes and attachment parenting, is that dads have to be involved."

While children can bring challenges to a marriage, Mackie noted, couples with children actually have a lower divorce rate than do those without them.

"One of the things that research is also showing is that couples that share a family-centered view of family life and value raising children (are) more emotionally invested in each other," she said, "and they're less prone to divorce than those couples who don't have children or who don't necessarily value that family life and the raising of the children."

The biggest issue marriage counselors now are seeing is technology, Mackie said, as more laptops, iPads and cell phones are adding distractions - even in the bedroom.

The divorce rate in America peaked at around 50 percent in the 1980s and slowly has been trending downward. It is now slightly more than 40 percent.

More information is online at attachmentparenting.org.


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Virginia's General Assembly is taking up a bill to address outcomes for kids in foster care.

Previous legislation either failed to pass or was watered down in favor of further research on the issues. House Bill 893 would require Virginia's Judicial Council to adopt new standards for attorneys to qualify to represent parents in child dependency cases.

Valerie L'Herrou, deputy director of the Center for Family Advocacy at the Virginia Poverty Law Center, described the impact it can have on families.

"When parents have better legal representation, the children achieve their permanency goal faster," L'Herrou pointed out. "On average, four months faster."

She pointed out the faster turnaround can reduce state foster care operation costs. Typically, Virginia spends $305 million annually on foster care. Most opposition to previous bills has subsided, in light of state research about the extent of the issue. The bill passed the House of Delegates and has been referred to the Senate Committee for Courts of Justice.

With more than 5,000 children in foster care, L'Herrou argued now is the time to act. She added if this bill passes, it could serve as a springboard for future improvements to the system.

"I think this will start giving judges information that they need in order to effectively decide cases," L'Herrou emphasized. "When a case goes to court, you're hearing from both sides, and if you only hear from one side, then you're getting an incomplete picture."

The bill would also raise the rate of compensation for attorneys taking such cases. In the meantime, L'Herrou stressed programs are providing parents with sufficient legal representation. The Family Preservation Project has been filling the gap by taking what she calls a "holistic approach" to family separation cases.

During February, which is National Parent Leadership Month, the nonprofit Parents Anonymous is celebrating the successful launch of the new National Parent and Youth Helpline.

The Helpline has received more than 19,000 calls in its first few months. On Saturday, the group cut the ribbon on its new headquarters in Pasadena.

Rep. Judy Chu, D-Calif., spoke at the event, saying National Parent Leadership Month is the perfect time to reassure families they are not alone.

"It is a time for them to learn that there are resources available," Chu noted. "You can change your life around and feel better yourself, but also help your children live better lives."

Parents Anonymous created National Parent Leadership Month 30 years ago. The nation's 174 million parents and young people who need emotional support can call or text 855-427-2736 or live-chat 24/7 on the website.

Antonia Rios, chair of the national and California parent leadership teams for Parents Anonymous and a mother of seven, said she overcame decades of trauma with the help of counselors at Parents Anonymous.

"Parents Anonymous has provided me the emotional support so that I felt safe to open up," Rios explained. "I didn't feel judged, or revictimized. I felt like I could talk about what it was like for me, and then move past it."

The federal Administration for Children and Families recently awarded Parents Anonymous a five-year, $10 million grant to launch and operate the National Parent and Youth Helpline.

Wisconsin is among the states without a defined formula for deciding alimony payments through divorce court proceedings.

A new report says without that predictability, some people might not be getting a fair shake.

Custody X Change, an online firm that helps families navigate divorce, is out with a new analysis of alimony laws across the country.

The company's Managing Editor Shea Drefs said only about a third of states have a formula on the books.

The remaining states, including Wisconsin, essentially give judges discretion to sign off on an amount without a guideline.

Settlement agreements often take shape beforehand, but Drefs said that's not always the case.

"If you can't reach an agreement, because many people who are divorcing aren't on super great terms," said Drefs, "and they go to a judge and they say, 'Okay, you decide what should the alimony amount be.' If that's you going in, you have no idea what to expect."

Drefs said this can be especially problematic for those who can't afford an attorney to guide them through negotiations.

The report also notes that of the states that do have a formula, only 10 have guidelines for how long payments should continue.

The authors recommend implementing policies in states where there are none, and for ongoing assessments of existing formulas.

Drefs said in cases where someone isn't able to secure fair terms, whether that's the person receiving the payments or the other half responsible for them, it can have a lasting effect.

"Having bad alimony arrangements can have an impact on each of the ex-spouses," said Drefs, "on their children - and it can have ripple effects."

That might include housing instability or other forms of financial hardships.

Drefs said while existing guidelines can help a judge make a decision, there's still flexibility to consider traditional factors, such as income levels for both spouses, their ages, and the length of the marriage.




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