NASHVILLE, Tenn. - The divorce rate in the United States continues to fall, but a large percentage of couples still call it quits despite their vows of "for better or worse."

The reasons can vary as much as the individuals involved, although experts say there are ways to safeguard a marriage, especially when children join the family.

Babies and children can bring stresses ranging from a lack of sleep to extra expense and housework, said marriage counselor Patricia Mackie, so it is vital for two parents to be on the same page.

"If parents aren't really talking about how they're going to raise their children - they're not talking about their style, they're not in agreement on what they're doing, whether it's attachment parenting or any other style of parenting - that's very difficult on a marriage," she said.

Another key to getting through those first few years with children, Mackie said, is making sure fathers aren't left feeling like a "third wheel," as sometimes can happen.

"What research shows is the more that dads are involved, the more they get involved in the parenting and the daily lives of their children and playing with their kids and their wives together, the better their marriages are," she said. "So, I think that's just a crucial piece, as far as marriage goes and attachment parenting, is that dads have to be involved."

While children can bring challenges to a marriage, Mackie noted, couples with children actually have a lower divorce rate than do those without them.

"One of the things that research is also showing is that couples that share a family-centered view of family life and value raising children (are) more emotionally invested in each other," she said, "and they're less prone to divorce than those couples who don't have children or who don't necessarily value that family life and the raising of the children."

The biggest issue marriage counselors now are seeing is technology, Mackie said, as more laptops, iPads and cell phones are adding distractions - even in the bedroom.

The divorce rate in America peaked at around 50 percent in the 1980s and slowly has been trending downward. It is now slightly more than 40 percent.

More information is online at attachmentparenting.org.


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At Thanksgiving, millions of Americans will see relatives who may be on the other side of the political divide for the first time since the election and experts have some tips for approaching the conversation.

Emma Nadler is a therapist, speaker and author of the book "The Unlikely Village of Eden." She suggested people consider what their overall goal is for the evening -- and the relationships -- and respond accordingly.

"When you feel yourself getting angry, frustrated, take a few seconds to consider, 'How do I honor my purpose here? What do I want to say next that brings me back to why I'm here at this holiday?'" Nadler recommended.

The group Braver Angels promotes civil political discussions. It suggested people focus on finding out where the other person is coming from, without putting him or her on the defensive, and try to find common ground before stating an opposing viewpoint.

Nadler added if the conversation takes a wrong turn, it is best to take a long pause, maybe pitch in with the dishes or take a walk rather than let things get nasty.

"Anyone can say and do things they regret," Nadler stressed. "It takes about at least 20 minutes of non-activating conversation to get back to your baseline regulation. So it's not two minutes."

Some families may choose to send out an email ahead of time to set the tone for the holiday, in hopes the Thanksgiving gathering will be about enjoying the time together, where people include and respect each other regardless of political viewpoints.


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November is National Adoption Month and one Oregon nonprofit is making space for Black and Indigenous adoptees to share their stories.

Although most adoptees are well-adjusted, research indicates people who have been adopted are more likely to have mental health struggles and are four times more likely to attempt suicide.

Liana Soifer, cofounder and executive director of the group BIPOC Adoptee Voices, said if the dominant story around adoption is too focused on parents and advocacy groups, the struggles and triumphs of adoptees can be overlooked.

"Adoption is based on a transaction: 'You're adopted, you're done, you're good, your life is fine,'" Soifer observed. "And for many of us now adult, into adulthood, we're saying, 'No, it's not fine.'"

Sofier was adopted from South Korea by a white family, and said having limited information about where you come from can lead to feelings of shame and isolation. If you are in crisis or know someone who is, call or text the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

In Oregon, most adoptees are adopted by close family members. On average, 125 children are waiting to be adopted from foster care. The number has declined significantly in the last six years, after the Oregon Department of Human Services changed its policies to minimize child separation.

Soifer emphasized every adoption story is unique and said the public needs to learn about the struggles adoptees experience, along with their successes.

"Changing the way that we frame things, not good or bad, but just like, 'Here's the reality. The most important thing we can do is just educating how those adoptees, how the birth families are impacted,'" Soifer explained.

Soifer added getting to know other BIPOC adoptees has been important for building her own sense of belonging. BIPOC Adoptee Voices hosts regular, free mixers and storytelling events.


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New data show many Connecticut residents can't afford daily life. This year's ALICE update shows the number of asset-limited, income-constrained employed families grew 13% in 2022. This is the largest increase in a decade.

The report says a family with two adults and two children in the state need an income of $114,000 per year just to afford the basics - not including emergency expenses.

Daniel Fitzmaurice, director of advocacy for the United Way of Connecticut, said some of what people do to make ends meet falls outside the data's scope.

"It's a little hard sometimes to quantify, for example, the compromises families make to maybe put their child in only a couple days a week of childcare rather than full-time childcare, or live with many people in their household rather than have the type of housing they want," he explained.

Three priority affordability issues for Connecticut residents are childcare, housing and food. Fitzmaurice and other advocates feel implementing a state child tax credit can be the best way to help ailing families. The state's proposed credit would provide an additional $600 for a family's biggest expenses.

One challenge for families to receive the child tax credit is ensuring they file their income taxes. Fitzmaurice noted those eligible people might not know about it or other programs. Another issue could be they either earn too much or too little to qualify for some state programs. He offered Connecticut's childcare subsidy as one example.

"Families at that income bracket actually work outside of the traditional economy; say hair braiding or driving an Uber or delivery services," he continued. "And so, they struggle to qualify for the childcare subsidy that would enable them to work, because they don't have enough documented work."

Beyond the benefits cliff, there is a mismatch between everyday costs and the jobs of ALICE families. Half of the most common jobs in the state in 2022 all paid under $20 an hour. But Fitzmaurice said most of these jobs - like cashiers, truck drivers, and personal care aides - are essential to the economy.

"These most common jobs are also some of our most essential jobs, but they have just traditionally had very low wages for what it costs to live," he said.