10 Things to Say to Generate Good Feelings

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At every moment, you send people either positive or negative vibes. This positive or negative energy either draws people toward you or warns them to keep their distance.

You can smile, hug, and express words of agreement, affection and appreciation, attracting people in a positive way. Or, you can push people away and even knock them down via criticism, complaints, disagreement, or blame.

The Power of Positive Energy

Expressions of thanks, gratitude, and appreciation, along with a sincere interest in others' lives—and warm smiles—all send forth positive energy. The more positive emanations you send people, the more they will feel appreciated, and appreciate you in return.

While overdoing the positivity with excessive gushing (like sunshine that is too intense) can be off-putting, people who emanate positive vibes generally feel "warm." Whether they are your boss, employee, or colleague, or your friend, relative, or life partner, warm people feel safe to share with. Like gentle sunshine, they radiate comfortably good feelings. Their positivity makes you want to talk with them more. As they establish good vibes as a relationship standard, others find themselves radiating positive energy back.

Positive people avoid being critical or argumentative. They seldom listen dismissively, brushing aside others' perspectives. Those are habits of negative communicators.

What Negative Energy Can Do

Interacting with someone who is often negative, or being in a group with a leader who sends forth negative words and vibes, can be a downer. Negative energy invites others to feel insecure, ignored, criticized, irritated, or depressed.

Time shared with someone who exudes negative energy via criticism or anger can be downright unpleasant. If you are living in a household with bickering or outright fights, you'd best learn how to stop arguing.

Positive individuals and leaders, by contrast, convey interest in your perspective. Someone who listens well enhances your sense of self-esteem by conveying that you matter, that you are a worthwhile person. Their appreciation of what you do and say enhances your sense of well-being.

You Can Decide to Be More Positive

You can decide to emanate more good feelings. The following list of sentence starters suggests 10 ways to more effectively launch good vibes. Consider adding them to your conversational routine, especially if it feels like your close relationships need a bit of rekindling. What happens?

1. Yes...
   "Yes, the weather does seem unseasonably hot." ["Yes... but.." has the opposite impact, but negates the positivity of the Yes.]
2. I agree...
   "I agree that it's too hot to do any exercise other than swimming today."
3. I appreciate...
   "I appreciate your willingness to pack a lunch."
4. Thank you for...
   "Thanks so much for getting me moving. I have been sitting at my desk all day."
5. I like (love, enjoy) ...
   "I like that swimsuit! Looks terrific!"
6. That makes sense to me...
   "Bringing lunch makes sense to me because the food at the pool is so expensive."
7. I'm pleased (happy, delighted) that...
   "I'm delighted that you invited our neighbors to join us."
8. Good! (Excellent! Great! Wow! Cool! Terrific!, etc.)
   "Great! Let's hop in the car."
9. How...?/What...?
   These open-ended question words convey warmth and positive views of the other person: "How have you been feeling about driving since your accident?" "What have you heard lately from your Mom?"
10. Positive non-verbals.
    Positive words have even more impact when spoken in an enthusiastic tone of voice, with positive facial expressions. Smiles, laughter, playfulness, "eye hugs" from eye contact—and, with intimates, physical hugs, and affectionate touching—can go a long way toward generating good feelings.

In addition to emanating positive energy, aim to eliminate as many negatives as you can. Beware of downer words like but, no, not, don't like. Stay clear of critical, sarcastic, or blaming words and voice tones. Negative words and voices drag down the emotional tone of an interaction. They can undermine all the positives you have shared.

Of course, every sentence you say need not radiate good vibes. Sometimes, neutral information sharing suffices. At the same time, sprinkling a generous seasoning of positive expressions into your interactions can warm your relationships. Your good energy can brighten how people feel when they talk with you, whether you're communicating with a salesperson, a co-worker, or a loved one. Pay particular attention to the energies you radiate toward children, as they tend to be especially sensitive to emotional tone.

Emanate positive vibes, even to yourself, and affection and appreciation will return your way. Everyone will enjoy the sunshine!

(c) Susan Heitler, Ph.D.